Ive had enough pain for one day. 3 areas all going mau mau in my back,pain meds that dont,W/C that wont,a back that cant,and a will thats dwindling to a small wee ember. So here I am. I look to the mirror and wonder how much push is left?
All the sympathy in the world will not heal me, My poor friends suffer along side me as I struggle to keep up.They
look upon me in helpless want,in part to try to heal by a sheer display of goodwill and commiseration,in part gratitude its not them.
All i can do is get up and keep pushing back,until something else gives my will? or my body.
That is the question I have, which will be first?
Have you been here?
I have been there and there have been times when I swear if one more thing gets thrown in on top of me that I think my head will explode but something always happens and then I end making it through another day (without killing someone ) and then I am able to go on....if only for a little while...
Plus it always helps to have a place like this to come to with great people to vent to...
__________________
MRI done in 6\07..Central disc protusion effacing the ventral aspect of the thecal sac and right foraminal encroachment...C6-C7 has central osteophyts and was told that I have cervicobrachial syndrome...ACDF C5-C6 , Titanium Plate and Screws , Bone Spurs Removed on 7\19\2007...Diagnosed With Fibro and RLS on 11\07..MRI on 1\08 and was diagnosed with scoliosis in the lower thoracic region...Medial Nerve Branch Blocks and Then Rhizotomy on 6\08...Myelogram 7\29\08....disc degeneration starting at C4-C5 with disc bulge and narrowing of interspace height...C6-C7 shows broad based disc bulge\herniation that is greater to the left of midline....more to follow....
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
Old Cherokee Proverb
But I sure wish that I could!!!!! I am here if you need to vent or just plain out talk. I have been where you are just as so many others here have. It is a tough place to be and a tougher place to crawl out of. All you can do is take it one day at a time. And if that is to much then take it a few minutes at a time. Just do not shut down and push everyone away from you!!!!! That route never works.
Your first step back up is that you came here asking for help, and there is more than enough of that to go around.
Stay with us and let us help you how-ever we are able to.
Remember, "One day at a time, and if that is to much, a few minutes at a time."
And never forget--when the road gets tough PM me. I sleep some weird hours and check in often , so it will not go unnoticed for long.
I am here for you and so are many others!!!!!!!
nana2007~Dawn
__________________
I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it is today. Life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow
I guess we all have had those days. Best advice I can give to you is to hang in there. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Just remember that when you are in a valley a peak will be down the road. Also, when you are on a peak, enjoy it 'cause there is a valley up ahead. I use an old Indian saying " I cried because I had no shoes, til I saw a man with no feet". When you really get down, look at some photos of our wounded young troops coming back from Iraq.
I have been suffering with neck and back pain for many years. I just became a member here at spine health about three months ago. I have to say that it has been nice to chat with people here on spine health I have met alot of very nice people.
MRI done in 6\07..Central disc protusion effacing the ventral aspect of the thecal sac and right foraminal encroachment...C6-C7 has central osteophyts and was told that I have cervicobrachial syndrome...ACDF C5-C6 , Titanium Plate and Screws , Bone Spurs Removed on 7\19\2007...Diagnosed With Fibro and RLS on 11\07..MRI on 1\08 and was diagnosed with scoliosis in the lower thoracic region...Medial Nerve Branch Blocks and Then Rhizotomy on 6\08...Myelogram 7\29\08....disc degeneration starting at C4-C5 with disc bulge and narrowing of interspace height...C6-C7 shows broad based disc bulge\herniation that is greater to the left of midline....more to follow....
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
Old Cherokee Proverb
Life has thrown a few my way - My only child is in Spain for 3 weeks for school- finally called sobbing! My grandpa died last night - back pain is not helping - I spent 4 hours at the hospital on Wednesday with Grandpa - and couldn't get out of bed on Thursday. My hubby was out of town with work - so I got to be alone in physical and emotional pain - my heart just hurts -
I am usually pretty up - so I am struggling a bit to get out of this one. Hearing my daughter sobbing was not what I needed. Not much I can do from hear but advise...
Sorry to dump on you all this wonderful new site - and I am not perkey! UGH I hate that!!!!
My hubby has to be up at 4:30 am tomorrow - work all day and come home drained himself. I am definetly feeling very alone here.
Thanks everyone,
M
__________________
Fell on front steps - ice February 2006. Fractured a small part of the spine a damaged disk. A large number trigger points, ESI, rhizotomy for facet pain, myofascial release, lots of meds, now on morphine with perc for break-through pain awaiting a ALIF for L5/S1 on July 9th. Hoping the pain will end!
why don't I have the send PM or be a buddy icon????
__________________
Fell on front steps - ice February 2006. Fractured a small part of the spine a damaged disk. A large number trigger points, ESI, rhizotomy for facet pain, myofascial release, lots of meds, now on morphine with perc for break-through pain awaiting a ALIF for L5/S1 on July 9th. Hoping the pain will end!
Just called over to Spain and got the teacher up (it is 6:00 am there) explained the peer pressure to drink and smoke and the obnoxious behavior and she is going to call the kids and talk to the host families -
So I am going to take that off my list of things making me sad! Look how posting here is already helping!!
You know how it is - your child in another country - feels pretty helpless!
M
__________________
Fell on front steps - ice February 2006. Fractured a small part of the spine a damaged disk. A large number trigger points, ESI, rhizotomy for facet pain, myofascial release, lots of meds, now on morphine with perc for break-through pain awaiting a ALIF for L5/S1 on July 9th. Hoping the pain will end!
I'm sorry to hear you like this. You're the one who's been there so often for so many and I hurt for you.
I hate to tell you this, you're a big man, a strong man, but you gotta give up the trying to keep up with your buds thing. It's only going to hurt you more in the long run. They, all in heartfelt kindness of course, think that encouragement is going to make it better for you. Been there, done that...and I'm not a dude! I can't imagine how hard that must be for you.
You have to find that new pace for yourself that hurts less and makes you less unhappy. It can happen. Find the "NEW" you, we all say but, as cliche' as it sounds, there's a world of truth in it. With these kind of problems come the fact that we have to accept a new level of ability in ourselves and it ain't easy. It takes work on our minds and that's the hardest kind, at least it has been for me through this whole crappy process.
I'm here for you like you have been for so many. Let me know if I can do anything to help.
Griff
__________________
01/08 ACDF C5-T1
Revision needed 06/08 Partial Corpectomies C5-T1 about 1/3 of each vertabrae removed, new ACDF done C5-T1 with new grafting and hardware
Let the healing begin!
Why are we all suffering??? What could we possibly have done do deserve this and honestly no one but the people on here and all the other people with back pain in the world know. There must be a reason and I wish I knew what it was because I am dumbfounded. I am also so sorry to all of you!!! This is most unfair and it better get out of here!!!
I am going to try and answer your question laurie55,I had 22 surgurys before the age of 12,i ask the same question,why did i suffer as a child,why would god let a child suffer,in life we are tested,my surgurys as a child made me a stronger person.I had my first surgury at the age of two,and the last one at the age of 12.Sometimes when we are face with advircity we come out knowing more then normal people.I appreciate life more.My surgurys were on my ears,and the doctors told my mom i would and up being deaf and dumb.
__________________
tiny protrusions t7 t8,mild to moderate bulge l-5s-1 l-3 l-4,annaular tear fixed,Mild to modterate spinal stenois bilateral.mulit level ddd rhizotomy january 8th
Im Here
Bigcat...I am truly sorry. You have dealt with a lot as many of us have. I have too. I could write a book about my life experinces and most of you probably wouldn't believe me. I have a huge heart and I cry at least once a day for all the injustices in this world, for all the children suffering, the animals suffering, the poor men and women and the families of who are fighting this horrible war and to those of you on this site. I am saddened by it all and I don't understand it at all, but in spite of all this pain I do know there is good in the world and I know that I have family members including my parents that treated me terribly and I never knew my alcoholic father except for a short time, but you all have reached out to me in my darkest hours, you have given me hope, answers, love, and support and I can honestly say that I love you all and some of you have helped me survive and feel so much better and I can never repay the ones that have. You my friend and you are always welcoming people and supporting people along with ranchhand, Millie and a few others and I know in my heart that someday you all will have your reward, if not in this lifetime in the next whatever that may be
I am so sorry for all your pain and everyone else on here and if I could take it away I would!!!
I believe people such as you are here to teach us that no matter what is thrown at us, a positive outlook will see us through. I guess the old adage"whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger" applies.
Hang in there.
I believe people such as you are here to teach us that no matter what is thrown at us, a positive outlook will see us through. I guess the old adage"whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger" applies.
Hang in there.
hey guys. it just the downs have been more than the ups lately.
Ive got friends who are stuggling to make ends meet,ive got friends that get beat up. Ive got friends who people wont understand.
And I just sit there,
thats the hard part you know
to sit there and feel helpless
and theres worse than that...
to be helpless.
used to, I just put the hat brim down and dug in the spurs,figuratively.
and put in the hours to fill the wallet.
or went toe to toe with some worthless scumbag coward who hits women.
or was able to give,more than hot air
I acceppted who and what I had become a long time ago,i try to help people to realize that acceptance is the key to the first door to open,on the way to freedom of spirit, of self, just every now and then i feel the chains,that bind this body,Understand ..inside I am free, this body only carries what makes"ME" around.
my spirit is free to travel this life ,pain is just an effect of injury,I accept it and move on
All the attributes of a body that is no longer healthy,
Iaccept as part of my existance,I cant change these circumstances,I cant change my physical being,I cant change my limitations,they simply are.
But its against some of the limits, that I rail against...
I cant protect the weaker as i once could have,
I cant provide,as I used too,for Me and Mine...
that is at the core of the angst.
My first instinct is to do what I always do.
Push
To take myself to the edge one more time...
see if I can dance the razor edge one more time.
You see?
I am at war with myself.Its self destructive
to a point,but,all i know to do in the end analysis...
is to push.
I hope one of you can understand where I am coming from.
I wrote of easing though life,bending with the flow,
Its easyer to live that way, the way of acceptance,
But, not right now.
Peace
you got haf of it......one have the second haf. keep the lite on.
and one mask down huh. still work to do helmet so wear the hat it will protect you but know when to let go of it when you are with friends or they will remain 'acquaintance'.
peace
thank partner for good spelling.
p.s. we both know no one will understand this post but you and I but it is ok. next time i tell you the end of the story about the candel.
__________________
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence(Simon&Garfunkel)
Ranchhand,just letting you know i read your post,good too see your feeling a little better...
__________________
tiny protrusions t7 t8,mild to moderate bulge l-5s-1 l-3 l-4,annaular tear fixed,Mild to modterate spinal stenois bilateral.mulit level ddd rhizotomy january 8th
Im Here
You have so elequently said almost exactlt how I have been feeling this week. You rock.
Feel Better, Rest Easy, and Enjoy Everything You Can.
Julie
__________________
MRI 12/07 L4-5 Herniated w/Nerve Impingment. L5/S1 Posterior Central Protrusions- indents @Thecal Sac. L4/S1 Moderate Facet Anthropy. 6/08 MRI and Flexion Extension Xrays- revealed grade 3 Retrolisthesis L5/S1, Spondy L4
Constant LBP and Bilateral Radiculopathy going on 17 months. PT, MT, Chiro, Traction, Selective Nerve Root Injections........ You name it I probably did it.
*****L4-S1 PLIF 7/28/08******* Feeling great so far!
In my discovery of information I found out I have T11/T12/L1/L2/L3 bulges with anterior osteophytes and anterior limbus on L1 vertebral body- these are not causing pain at this time.
it's good to know there are others in the same boat!
My gentle Laurie, you of the loving heart, The reason I am in pain,is for the exact reason I am here, I knew the consequences of all my actions,when I pushed ,I knew the possible outcomes, I am in pain because I ignored my body to be able to provide for, or to protect my family,which is doing both in the final analysis. As my dear friend Tinman said, about candles, you cant give it all away,,,,mind, Body, and spirit,without leaving something for yourself to keep. I didnt,...But,nature dictates a persons internal drives..No?
Priestess,Nana,Bigcat,Walkintall,Mitchygal,Griff,Laurie,JuliieA,and Tinman!,thanks for lifting me up!!!
The flames are going down to a low roar again!
You are a wonderful man full of love. I cannot tell you how truly sorry I am for you. You are always so kind to me and the other people on here. You deserve better and I hope and pray it comes soon!!!
Hi Ranchhand,
I am just stopping in to see how you are doing today. I wanted to make sure that you were doing well and we didn't scare you off. LOL!!!
Take care and look forward to hearing from you again.
nana2007~Dawn
__________________
I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it is today. Life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow
This saying I use to really hate to hear but it is so true and I try to remember it alot!!!!!!!! "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" and here's another one............"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference" My chronic pain put me in a state of pure depression so bad I needed hospital care and I learned alot of things there, when it gets that bad you may need to seek some help!
__________________
3 female surgeries including full hysterectomy at age 36,Interstitial cystitis, gallbladder removal,Dx with DDD in 1995. On 12/06 TLIF Minamally invasive sextant interbody fusion L4-5,5/07 failed back syndrome,tried PT,ice/heat, tens,epidural,trigger point, facet joint, SI injections due to severe narrowing of the nerve channels.April 18th ALIF L4-5/S1 fusion, diskectomy w/decomp,iliac bone graft (ouch) instumentation, larger cage this time and a new NS that knows his stuff. Also have cervical bulging at C6-7 may have surgery in the future.Have just been left by my husband of 15 years.
nana n cherry,how yall doin? ime calming down some ,ya it takes awhile but AHHgits there! thanks for the support from all you guys! I think some physical exercize would do me a world of good,need some directed action ! need to air up the old 10 speed and go make the neighbos laugh! hee hee...
ime in a kind of cycle right now..you know the drill..pill for the pain,pill for the stress,pill to try to help you sleep...hmmm,gotta get back to you on that one..and a pill to stay awake during the day,and in between the pills,is uuupppp,and down,and trying to concentrate in school with the after effects of constant fatigue,dont leave much room for error.any way hope you guys are having a great one tday.
PS. for BigCat,dang buddy thats a lot of surgerys to endure from a young age!!!
I wonder..if knowing pain from a younger age, makes a person better equipped to handle debilitation later i life,sounds like a new subject..
We all experience bad days and even weeks and the notion to evaluate why we suffer will have little effect on surviving each day, some of this is about perception and we all attempt to help individuals when in need just as we would with others.
As Ranchhand says we can all manage the roar it is the scream that nobody can tolerate for any time, our painful lives are impacted by change and unfortunately the reason for increased pain may not be something we have done or not done and that is hard to take and accept.
Keeping within your capacity comfort zone is no guarantee that the pain will not increases and this more than anything is something we can all learn from, at these times it is hard to know what to do and just surviving is sufficient as the setting sun brings hope of improvement and change. Experience has and will get us through the next time using the techniques where possible.
Pain is inevitable, misery is optional. Sternbach et al
Pain is a more terrible lord of mankind than even death itself.
Albert Schweitzer 1953.
“It’s not things that trouble us but the views we take of them” Epitectus
Offline
Ive had enough pain for one day. 3 areas all going mau mau in my back,pain meds that dont,W/C that wont,a back that cant,and a will thats dwindling to a small wee ember. So here I am. I look to the mirror and wonder how much push is left?
All the sympathy in the world will not heal me, My poor friends suffer along side me as I struggle to keep up.They
look upon me in helpless want,in part to try to heal by a sheer display of goodwill and commiseration,in part gratitude its not them.
All i can do is get up and keep pushing back,until something else gives my will? or my body.
That is the question I have, which will be first?
Have you been here?
I have been there and there have been times when I swear if one more thing gets thrown in on top of me that I think my head will explode but something always happens and then I end making it through another day (without killing someone
) and then I am able to go on....if only for a little while... 
Plus it always helps to have a place like this to come to with great people to vent to...
MRI done in 6\07..Central disc protusion effacing the ventral aspect of the thecal sac and right foraminal encroachment...C6-C7 has central osteophyts and was told that I have cervicobrachial syndrome...ACDF C5-C6 , Titanium Plate and Screws , Bone Spurs Removed on 7\19\2007...Diagnosed With Fibro and RLS on 11\07..MRI on 1\08 and was diagnosed with scoliosis in the lower thoracic region...Medial Nerve Branch Blocks and Then Rhizotomy on 6\08...Myelogram 7\29\08....disc degeneration starting at C4-C5 with disc bulge and narrowing of interspace height...C6-C7 shows broad based disc bulge\herniation that is greater to the left of midline....more to follow....
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
Old Cherokee Proverb
But I sure wish that I could!!!!! I am here if you need to vent or just plain out talk. I have been where you are just as so many others here have. It is a tough place to be and a tougher place to crawl out of. All you can do is take it one day at a time. And if that is to much then take it a few minutes at a time. Just do not shut down and push everyone away from you!!!!! That route never works.
Your first step back up is that you came here asking for help, and there is more than enough of that to go around.
Stay with us and let us help you how-ever we are able to.
Remember, "One day at a time, and if that is to much, a few minutes at a time."
And never forget--when the road gets tough PM me. I sleep some weird hours and check in often , so it will not go unnoticed for long.
I am here for you and so are many others!!!!!!!
nana2007~Dawn
I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it is today. Life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow
I guess we all have had those days. Best advice I can give to you is to hang in there. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Just remember that when you are in a valley a peak will be down the road. Also, when you are on a peak, enjoy it 'cause there is a valley up ahead. I use an old Indian saying " I cried because I had no shoes, til I saw a man with no feet". When you really get down, look at some photos of our wounded young troops coming back from Iraq.
I have been suffering with neck and back pain for many years. I just became a member here at spine health about three months ago. I have to say that it has been nice to chat with people here on spine health I have met alot of very nice people.
Dina
Well , I am glad that you are here....
MRI done in 6\07..Central disc protusion effacing the ventral aspect of the thecal sac and right foraminal encroachment...C6-C7 has central osteophyts and was told that I have cervicobrachial syndrome...ACDF C5-C6 , Titanium Plate and Screws , Bone Spurs Removed on 7\19\2007...Diagnosed With Fibro and RLS on 11\07..MRI on 1\08 and was diagnosed with scoliosis in the lower thoracic region...Medial Nerve Branch Blocks and Then Rhizotomy on 6\08...Myelogram 7\29\08....disc degeneration starting at C4-C5 with disc bulge and narrowing of interspace height...C6-C7 shows broad based disc bulge\herniation that is greater to the left of midline....more to follow....
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
Old Cherokee Proverb
Life has thrown a few my way - My only child is in Spain for 3 weeks for school- finally called sobbing! My grandpa died last night - back pain is not helping - I spent 4 hours at the hospital on Wednesday with Grandpa - and couldn't get out of bed on Thursday. My hubby was out of town with work - so I got to be alone in physical and emotional pain - my heart just hurts -
I am usually pretty up - so I am struggling a bit to get out of this one. Hearing my daughter sobbing was not what I needed. Not much I can do from hear but advise...
Sorry to dump on you all this wonderful new site - and I am not perkey! UGH I hate that!!!!
My hubby has to be up at 4:30 am tomorrow - work all day and come home drained himself. I am definetly feeling very alone here.
Thanks everyone,
M
Fell on front steps - ice February 2006. Fractured a small part of the spine a damaged disk. A large number trigger points, ESI, rhizotomy for facet pain, myofascial release, lots of meds, now on morphine with perc for break-through pain awaiting a ALIF for L5/S1 on July 9th. Hoping the pain will end!
why don't I have the send PM or be a buddy icon????
Fell on front steps - ice February 2006. Fractured a small part of the spine a damaged disk. A large number trigger points, ESI, rhizotomy for facet pain, myofascial release, lots of meds, now on morphine with perc for break-through pain awaiting a ALIF for L5/S1 on July 9th. Hoping the pain will end!
Just called over to Spain and got the teacher up (it is 6:00 am there) explained the peer pressure to drink and smoke and the obnoxious behavior and she is going to call the kids and talk to the host families -
So I am going to take that off my list of things making me sad! Look how posting here is already helping!!
You know how it is - your child in another country - feels pretty helpless!
M
Fell on front steps - ice February 2006. Fractured a small part of the spine a damaged disk. A large number trigger points, ESI, rhizotomy for facet pain, myofascial release, lots of meds, now on morphine with perc for break-through pain awaiting a ALIF for L5/S1 on July 9th. Hoping the pain will end!
I'm sorry to hear you like this. You're the one who's been there so often for so many and I hurt for you.
I hate to tell you this, you're a big man, a strong man, but you gotta give up the trying to keep up with your buds thing. It's only going to hurt you more in the long run. They, all in heartfelt kindness of course, think that encouragement is going to make it better for you. Been there, done that...and I'm not a dude! I can't imagine how hard that must be for you.
You have to find that new pace for yourself that hurts less and makes you less unhappy. It can happen. Find the "NEW" you, we all say but, as cliche' as it sounds, there's a world of truth in it. With these kind of problems come the fact that we have to accept a new level of ability in ourselves and it ain't easy. It takes work on our minds and that's the hardest kind, at least it has been for me through this whole crappy process.
I'm here for you like you have been for so many. Let me know if I can do anything to help.
Griff
01/08 ACDF C5-T1
Revision needed 06/08 Partial Corpectomies C5-T1 about 1/3 of each vertabrae removed, new ACDF done C5-T1 with new grafting and hardware
Let the healing begin!
Why are we all suffering??? What could we possibly have done do deserve this and honestly no one but the people on here and all the other people with back pain in the world know. There must be a reason and I wish I knew what it was because I am dumbfounded. I am also so sorry to all of you!!! This is most unfair and it better get out of here!!!
I am going to try and answer your question laurie55,I had 22 surgurys before the age of 12,i ask the same question,why did i suffer as a child,why would god let a child suffer,in life we are tested,my surgurys as a child made me a stronger person.I had my first surgury at the age of two,and the last one at the age of 12.Sometimes when we are face with advircity we come out knowing more then normal people.I appreciate life more.My surgurys were on my ears,and the doctors told my mom i would and up being deaf and dumb.
tiny protrusions t7 t8,mild to moderate bulge l-5s-1 l-3 l-4,annaular tear fixed,Mild to modterate spinal stenois bilateral.mulit level ddd rhizotomy january 8th
Im Here
Bigcat...I am truly sorry. You have dealt with a lot as many of us have. I have too. I could write a book about my life experinces and most of you probably wouldn't believe me. I have a huge heart and I cry at least once a day for all the injustices in this world, for all the children suffering, the animals suffering, the poor men and women and the families of who are fighting this horrible war and to those of you on this site. I am saddened by it all and I don't understand it at all, but in spite of all this pain I do know there is good in the world and I know that I have family members including my parents that treated me terribly and I never knew my alcoholic father except for a short time, but you all have reached out to me in my darkest hours, you have given me hope, answers, love, and support and I can honestly say that I love you all and some of you have helped me survive and feel so much better and I can never repay the ones that have. You my friend and you are always welcoming people and supporting people along with ranchhand, Millie and a few others and I know in my heart that someday you all will have your reward, if not in this lifetime in the next whatever that may be
I am so sorry for all your pain and everyone else on here and if I could take it away I would!!!
Laurie~
I believe people such as you are here to teach us that no matter what is thrown at us, a positive outlook will see us through. I guess the old adage"whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger" applies.
Hang in there.
I believe people such as you are here to teach us that no matter what is thrown at us, a positive outlook will see us through. I guess the old adage"whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger" applies.
Hang in there.
hey guys. it just the downs have been more than the ups lately.
Ive got friends who are stuggling to make ends meet,ive got friends that get beat up. Ive got friends who people wont understand.
And I just sit there,
thats the hard part you know
to sit there and feel helpless
and theres worse than that...
to be helpless.
used to, I just put the hat brim down and dug in the spurs,figuratively.
and put in the hours to fill the wallet.
or went toe to toe with some worthless scumbag coward who hits women.
or was able to give,more than hot air
I acceppted who and what I had become a long time ago,i try to help people to realize that acceptance is the key to the first door to open,on the way to freedom of spirit, of self, just every now and then i feel the chains,that bind this body,Understand ..inside I am free, this body only carries what makes"ME" around.
my spirit is free to travel this life ,pain is just an effect of injury,I accept it and move on
All the attributes of a body that is no longer healthy,
Iaccept as part of my existance,I cant change these circumstances,I cant change my physical being,I cant change my limitations,they simply are.
But its against some of the limits, that I rail against...
I cant protect the weaker as i once could have,
I cant provide,as I used too,for Me and Mine...
that is at the core of the angst.
My first instinct is to do what I always do.
Push
To take myself to the edge one more time...
see if I can dance the razor edge one more time.
You see?
I am at war with myself.Its self destructive
to a point,but,all i know to do in the end analysis...
is to push.
I hope one of you can understand where I am coming from.
I wrote of easing though life,bending with the flow,
Its easyer to live that way, the way of acceptance,
But, not right now.
Peace
you got haf of it......one have the second haf. keep the lite on.
and one mask down huh. still work to do helmet so wear the hat it will protect you but know when to let go of it when you are with friends or they will remain 'acquaintance'.
peace
thank partner for good spelling.
p.s. we both know no one will understand this post but you and I but it is ok. next time i tell you the end of the story about the candel.
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence(Simon&Garfunkel)
Ranchhand,just letting you know i read your post,good too see your feeling a little better...
tiny protrusions t7 t8,mild to moderate bulge l-5s-1 l-3 l-4,annaular tear fixed,Mild to modterate spinal stenois bilateral.mulit level ddd rhizotomy january 8th
Im Here
I love your post's-I can relate to your poetry.
You have so elequently said almost exactlt how I have been feeling this week. You rock.
Feel Better, Rest Easy, and Enjoy Everything You Can.
Julie
MRI 12/07 L4-5 Herniated w/Nerve Impingment. L5/S1 Posterior Central Protrusions- indents @Thecal Sac. L4/S1 Moderate Facet Anthropy. 6/08 MRI and Flexion Extension Xrays- revealed grade 3 Retrolisthesis L5/S1, Spondy L4
Constant LBP and Bilateral Radiculopathy going on 17 months. PT, MT, Chiro, Traction, Selective Nerve Root Injections........ You name it I probably did it.
*****L4-S1 PLIF 7/28/08******* Feeling great so far!
In my discovery of information I found out I have T11/T12/L1/L2/L3 bulges with anterior osteophytes and anterior limbus on L1 vertebral body- these are not causing pain at this time.
it's good to know there are others in the same boat!
My gentle Laurie, you of the loving heart, The reason I am in pain,is for the exact reason I am here, I knew the consequences of all my actions,when I pushed ,I knew the possible outcomes, I am in pain because I ignored my body to be able to provide for, or to protect my family,which is doing both in the final analysis. As my dear friend Tinman said, about candles, you cant give it all away,,,,mind, Body, and spirit,without leaving something for yourself to keep. I didnt,...But,nature dictates a persons internal drives..No?
Priestess,Nana,Bigcat,Walkintall,Mitchygal,Griff,Laurie,JuliieA,and Tinman!,thanks for lifting me up!!!
The flames are going down to a low roar again!
You are a wonderful man full of love. I cannot tell you how truly sorry I am for you. You are always so kind to me and the other people on here. You deserve better and I hope and pray it comes soon!!!
Laurie~
Hi Ranchhand,
I am just stopping in to see how you are doing today. I wanted to make sure that you were doing well and we didn't scare you off. LOL!!!
Take care and look forward to hearing from you again.
nana2007~Dawn
I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it is today. Life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow
This saying I use to really hate to hear but it is so true and I try to remember it alot!!!!!!!! "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" and here's another one............"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference" My chronic pain put me in a state of pure depression so bad I needed hospital care and I learned alot of things there, when it gets that bad you may need to seek some help!
3 female surgeries including full hysterectomy at age 36,Interstitial cystitis, gallbladder removal,Dx with DDD in 1995. On 12/06 TLIF Minamally invasive sextant interbody fusion L4-5,5/07 failed back syndrome,tried PT,ice/heat, tens,epidural,trigger point, facet joint, SI injections due to severe narrowing of the nerve channels.April 18th ALIF L4-5/S1 fusion, diskectomy w/decomp,iliac bone graft (ouch) instumentation, larger cage this time and a new NS that knows his stuff. Also have cervical bulging at C6-7 may have surgery in the future.Have just been left by my husband of 15 years.
Meds~Oxycodone 20mgs,Diazepam 5mgs,Cymbalta,Lamictal, Seroquel, Aciphlex
*~Cherrykittykat~*
nana n cherry,how yall doin? ime calming down some ,ya it takes awhile but AHHgits there! thanks for the support from all you guys! I think some physical exercize would do me a world of good,need some directed action ! need to air up the old 10 speed and go make the neighbos laugh! hee hee...
ime in a kind of cycle right now..you know the drill..pill for the pain,pill for the stress,pill to try to help you sleep...hmmm,gotta get back to you on that one..and a pill to stay awake during the day,and in between the pills,is uuupppp,and down,and trying to concentrate in school with the after effects of constant fatigue,dont leave much room for error.any way hope you guys are having a great one tday.
PS. for BigCat,dang buddy thats a lot of surgerys to endure from a young age!!!
I wonder..if knowing pain from a younger age, makes a person better equipped to handle debilitation later i life,sounds like a new subject..
We all experience bad days and even weeks and the notion to evaluate why we suffer will have little effect on surviving each day, some of this is about perception and we all attempt to help individuals when in need just as we would with others.
As Ranchhand says we can all manage the roar it is the scream that nobody can tolerate for any time, our painful lives are impacted by change and unfortunately the reason for increased pain may not be something we have done or not done and that is hard to take and accept.
Keeping within your capacity comfort zone is no guarantee that the pain will not increases and this more than anything is something we can all learn from, at these times it is hard to know what to do and just surviving is sufficient as the setting sun brings hope of improvement and change. Experience has and will get us through the next time using the techniques where possible.
Take care John
DDD.1990 Laminectomy, Failed spine fusion, hartshill rectangle RLS. 3 stents
Pain is inevitable, misery is optional. Sternbach et al
Pain is a more terrible lord of mankind than even death itself.
Albert Schweitzer 1953.
“It’s not things that trouble us but the views we take of them” Epitectus